This is what we call “False Alarm”

For the past couple days – weeks even, “cramping” has become the new normal for my body. I tend to ignore the mild contractions, allowing them to do their thing while I continue my regular activities. Yesterday, however, I swore it was the real thing…

For Father’s Day, JD and I went on a date to a sports bar enjoying curly fries, guacamole burgers, and our beverage of choice: beer for JD, and diet soda for me. I had been experiencing consistent mild to moderate contractions since 4 am, and was secretly crossing my fingers that Father’s Day would be our baby’s birthday. We continued about our day, taking a trip to Starbucks, Safeway, and finally Sandy Beach so JD could bodysurf. Mom and I sat on the beach, watching the giant waves when at about 4:30 pm, I started to experience intense contractions. JD came out of the water and we traveled home. During the car ride my abdomen continued to tighten, pain wrapping around my entire middle. We got home and mom set to prepare the dinner that I had hoped to help make: fried chicken, creamed corn, watermelon, and dirty rice.

JD and I went straight to work, playing relaxing music while I rested on the bed in the “relaxation position” (Bradley people will know what I’m talking about). After about an hour of consistent contractions, I realized this might take a while and moved to the living room to watch some Friends. My body was fully relaxed and we decided to have fun while waiting. Mom served up delicious fried chicken and we sat for the next few hours in the living room. Eventually, my mom realized I was too chipper to be in any kind of serious labor, and if it was in fact the real thing, it could take a really long time. She went to bed and JD and I soon followed… after walking around the church property several times in attempt to get things moving.

I went to bed still experiencing contractions (about 4-5 minutes apart, 60 seconds long), but very tired and ready to sleep. Around 1 am I woke to intense tightening and cramping around my torso, more so than ever before. I promptly woke JD. JD told me to “relax.” It appeared as if he went back to sleep and smoke began to rise from my ears. As it turns out, JD was quietly monitoring my breathing and assessing my body, but I mistook it for sleep. At this point, I became so angry and tense that I kicked my legs in frustration and gave JD a swift kick to the shin. Moments later my sweet hubby was rubbing my back, massaging my feet, and I was blissfully relaxed.

Three hours later, my contractions stopped. Just stopped. No more pain or tightening, just one ballistic pregnant lady who was certain that ten hours of contractions was the real deal. Convinced I was not normal, I rushed to open my Bradley childbirthing book and found these words, “A series of things will be happening in your body over a period of time that could be as long as a week or more. The uterus may try out a contraction or two and then decide to wait for another day. Or you might have contractions over several hours and get quite excited, only to have the uterus stop and wait to start again later in the week.”

Apparently, I find myself in the latter boat.

On the upside: we got a practice round, and even though no baby was produced, I went through a significant part of labor last night. On the downside: 10 hours of contractions – no baby. One frustrated mama.