Ever since arriving in Prague and first walking across the famous Charles Bridge, Christie and I have wanted to wake up early and watch the sunrise from the bridge. We decided this morning was as good as any and woke up at 4:40am (hello reminders of opening shifts at Starbucks) to catch the first tram at 5am. Unfortunately, the cloud cover was so dense that we were unable to see a clear sunrise. Furthermore, the sun didn’t rise where it was supposed to- well at least where we thought it should rise ;)… so we kind of missed it. At 6:30 we were tired and cold so we trecked through town in attempts to find an open coffee shop. Not gonna happen. After an hour of walking we finally came across a hotel that would serve us coffee (and absolutely nothing else). The place we had intended to eat breakfast at didn’t open until 9:00am so we had some time to kill. For an hour and a half we talked…
We talked about school, high school, teachers, teaching, future, subjects that interested us, and subjects that no longer itnerest us. Once again I learned about myself while talking with Teddy. It was good to go back to high school for a moment and reflect on the education that helped shape my interests now… and also to see how much I’ve changed since then. For instance, our high school has a kick butt history department and I loved U.S. history (still do…). However, our english department is sorely lacking and I couldn’t stand my english classes in high school. I discover all the time how much I missed out in my english education (i.e.- I learned just this past quarter what an onomatopoeia is and Christie learned this in 5th grade). I’m an english minor now and love reading lit and writing). Who knew? Also, I’m discovering more and more that I really don’t like much history other than colonial America, WWI & WWII, and early Church history (Specifically 1st-4th centuries). Hmm. Not sure what to do about that but I’m not going to pretend to love something I don’t.
One more thing. I’m trying too hard in my faith. There are moments when my perfectionism intertwines itself too closely with my spiritual walk and though I may speak of grace and freedom and the abundant life, I’m not truly living it. This morning while Teddy and I talked, I realized more and more that I’ve got to let stuff go and live in freedom. For some reason I’ve been clinging to Christian literature and music as my sources of reading and entertainment. Ok now before you ask yourself why this can be harmful, let me explain. My heart has not been in a place lately where I have done this in freedom. It freakishly became a “religious” thing rather than a will of the heart to grow healthily. I’d stopped dreaming and stopped using my imagination (and believe me, I’m a dreamer)… stuff about my future and life looked bleak rather than exciting. In the last week or so my faith developed an uptight regiment and was lived out in a way that was not fulfilling or abundant. Scary how religion, when done for the sake of religion, closely reflects the Pharisaic tendency. Through my Jesus of Nazareth class and Environment of Early Christians class I learned about the motif beyond the Pharisees holiness codes. The Pharisees genuinely believed they were obeying the Priestly codes daily in response to God’s grace. Yet when done for the sake of religion, legalism and self-righteousness become the enemy of Jesus’ ministry. I’m not saying that the actions in and of themselves are bad or wrong… I’m advocating a life of freedom to live in the redemptive love and grace of Jesus Christ. Sometimes this means I need to step away from Bonhoeffer and read Jane Eyre instead. The Word must be constant in my life, but because of my flagrant tendency to read too deeply into the meaning of books or authors or what have you… it’s time to put down the Christian lit and enjoy some of the classics. Hopefully this makes sense. I’m still trying to make sense of it myself and it’s possible that tomorrow I will have new things to say. Faith is a process and I’m living in the midst of it now.
Love and peace to you all
p.s. tomorrow Christie and I are planning our ideal day number one. We have an entire day to do whatever we feel like without any obligations. Next Wednesday is the same so we decided to have two “ideal” days… meaning two days to plan our perfect day… because we can. 🙂 I’ll fill you in on the exciting details soon!
p.s.s. We get to go rock climbing outside Prague with our history professor. How tight is that?