Like an Egg

It’s never hit me this early. Normally it takes until 7th week for me to finally crack, but not this quarter. It’s 5th week and I am an inch away from breaking. Perhaps it is the impending reality of midterms, insane papers, reading that I will never touch, commitments that keep me in grace but also busy, relationships and friendships that I thrive from and that keep me real, a room that is in dire need of cleaning, dishes piled up in the sink (my own), money that is slipping from my hands faster than I realize, and perhaps the most frustrating… God time. Who is this God I call my King and why have I stopped allowing Him to ordain my time? All I can muster as of late is a quick prayer acknowledging my weakness and asking for mercy. What am I learning in the Word? I get glimpses of God for sure, but the meat of my faith has become milk for my infant soul. And yet my disappointment in my lack of time management, good stewardship, and inability to actually take care of myself… only takes me further from the place I ought to be. The answer is not to run, not to hide, but to face it head on… as one going into battle. How badly I wanted to miss class this morning, but the call of my Lord that truthfully said “go to class daughter” told me where I need to be… and I know I need to fight. Part of the fight involves discipline, but most of my strength and armor will come while I’m on my knees and in the Word. My mind is fragile and my heart is even more so fragile… and I’ve been damn good at hiding it lately. So now I’m about ready to crack. I’m spread thin… so thin that I feel like an eggshell, and I can no longer function properly. Now that you’re all worried about me, just pray. Cait is right. I love Jesus and He is my King. I will find rest and I will seek peace.


4 Replies to “Like an Egg”

  1. I know just where you are. I’ve been struggling with this myself for a few weeks now. I reached a realization just the other day that I don’t have to miss class to dwell in Him. “Whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” -Coll. 3:17

    I’ll keep you in prayer.

  2. Just keep telling yourself that He will not forsake you, and no matter how crazy busy your shedule is, he is still calling in that small still quiet voice saying “Annie, I love you, and I will always be here to help when you need me”
    I hope that this weekend can offer some good rest, and restoration, and rejuvination.
    Blessings my friend.

  3. Annie it’s like we’re one sometimes…

    I feel that you speak my heart more clearly than I can articulate it. God is amazing though. I have been reminded of that this week and how the pursuit of His Joy is not fruitless… I love you friend and I miss you. The Joy will return…I’m confident in that, and I will be praying for restoration of your heart. I’m not in the least bit worried. You love your God a lot and this will be a time of growth 🙂

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