Back Here.

I remember attending her concert in jr. high. Just a gal with a guitar on stage, her presence was meek compared to Supertones and Audio Adrenaline, the big named bands that followed her. And yet years later it is her voice that continues to bring me on my knees in the reminder that I have a Savior who loves unconditionally. Jennifer Knapp’s song “Martyrs and Thieves” has spoken to me at different times in my life, and has always shed light on a certain truth of our great God… there is peace and joy in the light. Whenever I am afraid to be on my knees with ears turned to Him, I am reminded that His voice and His will, whether hard, confusing, gentle, easy, etc… is always good. Whether the command is painful or whether it is a voice of reassurance, we bear the mark of the cross and are His. We ought not to fear the process of refinement that God calls us to – for there is peace in His call. Terrifying, awe-inspiring, joyous, redeeming, and wonderful is His voice.

Chorus:
So turn on the light and reveal all the glory
I am not afraid
To bare all my weakness knowing in meekness
I have a kingdom to gain
Where there is peace and love in the light, in the light
Oh I am not afraid
To let Your light shine bright in my life, in my life
Oh I… am, I…

I say this as I am being refined. “Do not conform any longer to the patter of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- His good, pleasing, and perfect will.” Romans 12:2. The verse that speaks to the state of my heart, of y whole being right now. There is no quick fix. There is no command. There is nothing but God renewing my mind. In totality and in completion is He making things new. The old is gone… The old pattern of my life, of my faith and the way I approach God, the way I approach school, work, relationships, friends… all being refined. Renewed by His holiness. 10 days of being in bed and knocked out from all activities, and God will have His way with me. I have no clue of the direction I’m heading. I don’t know how or where I am being renewed. I have no answer for you… nothing concrete from God but this verse. And so I wait in expectation as He beckons me closer. Daughter of His that I am, I will not fear the process. It is His, and in it there is peace and glory and joy… Fear not the light – it is the absence of darkness.

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