If you don’t believe it, watch this clip. Clearly life is not complete without the cleansing squirt of toilet water after a good poo.
I saw this commercial clip on dooce.com and just had to share it with you. Why? Because in 8th grade, I went on a trip to Japan and the following occurred:
Nature called so I excused myself from the family room. My homestay family continued preparing noodles while I walked down the hall to use the toilet. I opened the door expecting to find your ‘run of the mill’ toilet, and found a space ship instead. No, really. The toilet was enormous with heated seats, buttons galore, and a funny electric blue, gel-like liquid I imagined was soap. I sat my awkward 8th grade self on the heated toilet seat and looked to my left. Above the toilet paper dispenser was a set of hand written instructions. You mean you have to follow the directions to use the toilet?!!?
Instantly paranoid and certain I was about to destroy their toilet if I didn’t follow the directions exactly, I did my best to make out the instructions written in broken english. There were six steps. SIX! I don’t know about you, but when I use the toilet, it’s step 1: sit down and do your business, step 2: wipe, and step 3: flush.
At this point in my bathroom break, I finished my business and wiped my bum the good old fashioned American way, but I figured I might as well follow their instructions in addition to what I knew as a human being raised in the West (clearly we are behind the times in America – Japan is ages ahead of us).
On the sheet of instructions was a picture of a button that had a little fountain on it and the words “push” written beneath the picture. So I sat back down on the toilet seat, already having put my jeans back on, and pushed the fountain button. And then the toilet wet me. A stream of water shot up and sprayed my clothed butt, leaving a large wet spot covering my bum.
The story continues, however, because I also noticed instructions pointing to the electric blue gel-like substance. I was afraid the toilet might actually blow up if I did not wash my hands with the blue gel and proceeded to dip my hands in the goo. My hands turned blue. Bright blue. So did everything I touched. I am now standing in this small space in a foreign home with bright blue hands (as if I had robbed a bank) and a wet butt… It was all I could do to rub my hands raw and escape to my little guest room for the rest of the night. An awkward jr. higher could not be more embarrassed…
It was at this moment in my life that I realized I might possibly be the most awkward human being in the history of the planet.