1. When a couple first finds out they’re pregnant, many people comment on the wisdom and grace of God for providing 9 months to prepare. Around month 8 we women are tempted to question said grace and wisdom.
2.The refrigerator walls and shelves have never been cleaner.
3. When taking a much needed bubble bath to soothe aching back muscles, it’s fun to put the bubbles on top of The Belly and pretend Mount Everest is growing in the bathtub. It’s even better if the husband catches you in the act without your knowing it.
4. Preparing ice cream sundaes is truly an art form.
5. Braxton Hicks contractions are supposed to be painless. I submit that this is completely crap. To quote Rachel from Friends, “No uterus, no opinion.”
6. Just when you think your belly can’t grow anymore – it does. And clothes that were saved for month nine suddenly don’t fit.
7. The expecting couple begins to wonder if the comfort of sleeping will ever return. The wife wonders if there are enough pillows in the world to make her comfortable. The husband wonders why the wife continually mistakes his body for a multitude of pillows and if he will ever reclaim a sufficient portion of the bed.
8. Bodysurfing in small waves is still possible at week 33. It is only slightly embarrassing to walk on the beach with a torpedo belly protruding between bathing suit top and bottom. At month 6 this was cute – now it’s just awkward.
9. Pets (i.e. – our puppy Rowdy) discover the belly and like to lick it as if it were a giant ice cream cone for dogs.
10. Trips to the bathroom begin to suffice for exercise, because sitting on the toilet without breaking the porcelain lid is just as tedious as squatting with weights.