You are due to arrive in just over 6 weeks, assuming you come on time, and I thought I would take this opportunity to talk to you about your father’s hair. We might need to have another conversation about this in, oh, I don’t know, 16 years from now, but I’m all for laying it on the table before you are even born. I feel it is only fair to give you substantial warning now, while you are in the womb, about the possibility of being incredibly embarrassed by your dad’s hair as you grow up. We’ll try to make sure he keeps it normal during your junior high years, but I make no promises. Who knows, perhaps you’ll be like just like daddy and sport several different hairstyles yourself, and, rather than be embarrassed by your father’s mullet, you might just show him off in front of all your friends.
If you’re anything like me as an adolescent, however, you will embarrass easily… And possibly come ask me why I wanted to marry a man with such weird hair in the first place.
Hence, this letter.
Your father and I are very much alike in many ways. For instance, we are both first born babes (such as yourself) and incredibly independent. Neither of us like others telling us what to do when it comes to hair, cooking, lifestyle, etc. We are not defiant, just unique. Therefore, I allow your father to wear almost any hairstyle he prefers, and likewise, expect the same from him as I navigate the world of hair. It works out, I promise. You too will experience freedom from your daddy and I as you experiment with different looks. Unless you are in jr. high and go to mom mom or aubi’s house and convince her that you are allowed to permanently die your hair a terribly hideous blond color. I draw the line there. Some mistakes need to be left to the older folk for you to learn from :).
Rather than continuing to blab about freedoms and hair and blah blah blah, dear baby I will leave you with a picture collection of the many hairstyles your father has worn since I met him.
Remember, this is your dad and I’m absolutely crazy about him, and even though it makes you blush, I find him just as incredibly attractive in a mohawk as I do his gorgeous curls. If you are born and he still has a mohawk, well, we’ll chalk that up to your pop’s comment, “love is blind.”
This is mom’s absolute favorite hairstyle of your dad’s, and the one he had when I met him. You’ll be happy to know he now plucks his unibrow.
At one point, your dad’s hair grew so long that he gave it to Locks of Love. He’s a noble man, your father.
Yes, he wore his hair in a ponytail often. And frequently refuses to wear shirts…
Oh, it’s awful. It’s just awful. And how appropriate it is that he poses in front of a trash can. This ‘do is called the mullet-mohawk, and I’m ashamed to admit, I contributed to the cause by cutting this hair along with auntie Nizzle (who is in South Asia freeing people from bondage)
Again, the mullet-mohawk.
My second favorite hairstyle of your dad’s. This picture taken the day we were engaged!!! What a hottie!
You see, darling baby, your mom and dad’s vocation makes it so sometimes these hairstyles are necessary. While I find this the absolute worst hairstyle ever invented, it was perfect for our 80s BBQ with the high school group.
Of all the hairstyles, this is your father’s favorite. We almost sent this as our Christmas picture this year, but thought better of it with your dad’s face the way it is.
And, of course, the mohawk. Your uncle Patrick shaved this for him, and they are both obsessed with it. It is this very haircut that gave me the idea to warn you…
Aloha baby! We love you – always remember that, even when you’re really embarrassed of your unconventional parents 😉
p.s. I actually love the mohawk. He might just have it still when you’re born