costco contractions

This post really should precede my last one, but when one is on self-induced bed rest, one does not think so clearly… and then randomly gets excited to write, write, write!!!

This post by my cousin Julie inspired me to share my excursion to Costco yesterday, before the complet onset of the Death Flu.

I love going to Costco. Do you want to know why? $1.50 polish dog and soda. I will drive half an hour to Costco just for this delicious lunch. Sometimes I want to eat two of them, but I don’t. Yesterday I came close, but resorted to stuffing my face with samples instead.

Enough about food.

I stood in the checkout line with my debit card in hand, after walking around for an hour or so, and began having incredible contractions. The first one caught me off guard and I slouched over with a huff. I straightened back up, smiling as if nothing had happened (even though I was still contracting) and both the checker and bagger greeted my look with eyes wide open and mouth agape.

“Are you going into labor right now?!” The checker asks as I calmly hand her my card. She swipes. I have another contraction.

“Oh probably not, I’ve been having false labor contractions for quite some time now. I’m sure it’s nothing.”

The poor man who is putting away my groceries looks absolutely horrified and keeps muttering under his breath, “oh man oh man oh man.”

The checker says, “Just remember one thing. Epidural.” She motions for me to enter my pin number into the machine.

Again I experience a doozy of a contraction and lean over the counter. “Are you having another one?!” the checker looks alarmed.

“Yes, but I’m sure it’s not the real deal.”

My friend Stephanie arrives with the case of beer she forgot. “Are you going into labor right now?!” she asks, looking excited and only slightly alarmed.

“Probably not,” I respond. She makes me sit down outside anyway, and grabs me a cup of ice water. The contractions begin to ease up, but I decide to call JD anyway.

“Hey babe, I’m sure it’s nothing, but just wanted to let you know that I’m having really intense contractions – much stronger than I’ve ever experienced. It’s really probably nothing, but just in case they keep coming, you might want to pack our bag.”

“Ok.” JD is calm, unconcerned, and controlled. “Do you think I should stay home from body surfing?”

“Nah, I’m sure it’s nothing. I don’t think I am going to change any of my plans. Steph is going to drive me home though. Just keep checking in.”

Stephanie and I hop into the car and I pull out my phone to begin timing contractions. I have one more in the car.

The end.

No, really. That is the end. Contractions cease and we have a peaceful car ride home along the Hawaiian coast.

One hour later, the Death Flu begins rearing its ugly head…


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