feels a little like growing up.

2010 is the year I grew up.

Woah. Hey, how about loading a great big fat sentence and starting a blog post with it huh? Alright.

What I mean to say is I guess I’ve made some changes that finally make me feel like I’m growing up. So the above statement is actually a little too loaded – I am still in the process of growing up.

I’ve heard it said and I absolutely agree – having multiple kids will kick you in the butt in the way of maturity. The first baby is an adjustment, but tag on another and its like someone somewhere is staring you in the face asking if you really have your stuff together. And you either do or you don’t. And some are ok with not.

I am not one of those ok with not people.

Before you start to feel sorry for me and think I’m too hard on myself or have too high of expectations, let me explain. This is not a validation thing nor is it really perfectionism, it’s more of a “I’m not sane if my laundry is piling up and the dishes are all over the kitchen and every inch of our dining room table is covered” – thing. Truly some people feel comfortable living like that, and I was living like that without feeling comfortable. Pull-my-hair-out-stressed is more like it.

Enter Claire. Sweet Claire. Thank you, sweet Claire, for being the kick in the butt I needed to get my act together.

And while I hate to say it, because I miss him so much it hurts sometimes (Scrubs reference anyone?), thank you Philippine Missions Trip for taking my husband across the world. Because suddenly, in four days, I’ve grown three pairs of arms, acquired the ability to be in two rooms at once, and pack multiple diaper bags in just thirty seconds. Or something like that.

Thanks to the FlyLady, this is my 13th day of a shiny sink, less-cluttered home, and picked up house. Even with JD gone. My gift to myself will be some brand new kitchen towels… whenever I get the chance to get out the door, of course.

Quite honestly, it’s been HARD without JD here. Not just in a home management sort of way, but we’re going through some really tough stuff that can’t be talked about here, and I hate that he’s not here to process it with me. Pile that on top of normal day to day parenting and adding his chores to mine, and getting a 24 hour flu bug… it’s been some of the most stretching days in my entire life. All 25 years of them 😉  I haven’t done it without help (thank you neighbor Nicole, brother, friends, Robin for all you’ve done), and now my grandma is here to stay until JD gets back, making it much easier to manage, but it’s still been an incredible time of growth and reflection.

God has literally walked me through tough conflict resolution (peacemaking for you FBCers out there), has been my companion at night when the girls are sleeping and I’m especially lonely, and has reminded me that I’m the parent – my girls are the children – and it’s good to discipline. It’s been far from perfect, but it’s been good. And I feel a little bit like I’m growing up.

We’ll call this stage… 25.

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