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Moments.

December 18, 2009

A recent issue of Real Simple asked several writers to write about their favorite moment of the day. The answers were beautifully described, ranging from the last moments before the sun is up to the final moments of the day. My friend Jenny, a real writer, as I like to call her, was visiting for a few days and read the issue as well. We shopped and talked about our favorite moments of the day, romanticizing the glimpses God gives us of beauty, love, stillness, and rest.

My days are not entirely routine. Each day differs depending on the evening’s festivities, scheduled meetings, special events, etc. There is one concrete moment of each day, however, and on most days I am the one to enjoy it. Just before Elianna goes to bed for the evening, I hold her and snuggle her tight. It lasts only a few seconds, sometimes minutes, but it happens every time I put her down. I love the way her tiny hands wrap around my neck as she rests her head against my chest. It is one of the few times she is actually still for longer than three seconds. Sometimes we pray, sometimes we sing, but most of the time I just say goodnight and let her body relax into mine for a bit. It has become my favorite moment of the day, and I will cherish it as long as it lasts…

What is your favorite moment of each day? Your morning cup of coffee? Reading the newspaper? A lunchtime run? I love hearing how others make the most of each day!

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El.

December 17, 2009

I am never disappointed in who you are.

We have our moments of frustration, of figuring each other out, but I am never frustrated with who you are… You who bring so much joy to our home with your abundant passion, clear independence, and infectious laugh.

As hard as life gets sometimes, I am amazed at God’s gift of motherhood, of creating the purest of love in such a tangible relationship. And in many ways, as I thank God for the gift of YOU, I also want to offer my thanks to you. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for forgiving faster than I can, and for offering comfort when it’s undeserved. Thank you for loving us.

It has been awhile, my love, since I’ve recorded all that you are doing and saying. I am sure to regret this, and so I thought I’d take a moment to reflect on YOU at nearly 18 months.

You are quite verbal, our little parrot. Anything we say is fair game for your lips, as far as you are concerned. This means, when I call you a nincompoop, you repeat it over and over until I cannot possibly imagine why I might have called you such a word to begin with. Therapy for mommy, I’m sure. Your words are quickly becoming conversational, responding to questions in yes’s and no’s and are even beginning to form sentences. We find no end to the delight of hearing your voice and watching you put words together.

You have discovered a new way of getting what you want, which mostly involves going outside to play, by reaching your hand to ours and exclaiming, “hand!” It’s nearly impossible to resist, even for me, and we take many trips to the toddler toys in the back of the church. You have also used this maneuver to tell us it’s time to go to the potty, which astounds me. We started to potty train you – training pants included – at 17 months, and it has been quite an experience. On some days, we have wild success with frequent trips to the potty culminating in fewer accidents and diapers. On other days, you refuse and we end up in diapers most of the day. We are thrilled with each success and understand when frequent accidents happen. You are picking it up quite fast, I might add. Of course, our motivation comes from the growing bump in my belly  as well as the many signs you gave us early on to show us you are capable of using the potty. We’re proud of you and are taking it slow but steady. Elmo’s potty tape sure helps :)

Your favorite food is pizza and cereal. Hands down, no questions asked. And you FINALLY acquired a taste for beans. We were pretty concerned that you would never like beans, but the other night you ate three helpings of daddy’s homemade beans and you LOVED them. Here’s proof:

You are beginning to use a spoon, fork, bowl, and plate with less mess and more precision. And this is what I have to say about that: YAY! YIPPEE!!!! *clicks heels together*

Well love, there is more to add I’m sure. Hmm… in a few more sentences…

You have almost a full set of teeth. You love apples. You love to be outside more than anything, but will occasionally be satisfied with mr. potato head and your cars. Babies are still fascinating to you, and sometimes you give mommy’s belly a “high five!” You give knuckles, taught by uncle Sean. You love your friends, and call nearly every kid “Hea, Koa, and Ka” (for the Palmer kids, Anuhea, Nakoa, and Kana).

(Don’t let the picture fool you – you are both a little emo and actually love each other)

Our neighbors, grandma Jane, auntie Nicole, and Ty Ty watch you every Wednesday during youth group and we are forever grateful. You love Ty Ty and all his toys! You call your pacifier a “nigh nigh” and use it only for sleep and those occasions when it’s socially unacceptable to have a screaming child around. We’re ok with this, although we’ve noticed you are growing more attached and it might be time to give it up soon. You just came up to give me a high five and I think it’s time I get off the computer. I leave you with one more picture of your mama entering her third trimester, right at the time you are nearly one and a half year old… I love you my little love love

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Holiday Snapshot

December 17, 2009

One of the joys of ministry is thinking thoughtfully through each holiday season, allowing for presence in the months of turkey stuffing, gingerbread lattes, and stockings. Gifts were purchased last month and our family waits in anticipation and joy for the celebration of Christ’s birth. JD makes sure a Christmas movie is watched nearly every day, which I absolutely love. Ellie stands in awe of the tree, behaving surprisingly well considering the shiny “bubbles” hanging from its branches. We are eager for my parents to arrive in a few days, excited to show them Christmas in Hawaii and bake pecan rolls, watch Christmas movies, play games, play in the waves, and relax as a family.

Of course, despite the peace I present in the above paragraph, we were unable to get our act together enough to send out Christmas cards… Many apologies to all. In its place, I give you our most current family picture :)

Mele Kalikimaka from our hale to yours

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Waimea Bay

December 8, 2009

Got up early on our day off, hopped in the bus with Pat and Chrissy, grabbed some McDonalds, and drove an hour to see the biggest we’ve ever seen. Waimea Bay only breaks when the swell is huge. I’m not sure what the waves measured today, not as big as the 60 ft. forecasted for today (looks like it will hit tomorrow), but it was pretty spectacular nonetheless. Some shots (which NEVER do justice, btw… particularly from where we were standing) of the day:

Lining up:

View from above:

Guns:

Shorebreak:

Spectators:

The Green Room (shorebreak):

Waimea Break:

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# 500

December 8, 2009

Well shoot. I mean, what do you do when you’ve had a blog for five years and hit number 500? I thought of a give away, and then I thought about how I get really stressed about those sorts of things and would most likely never. end. up. mailing whatever prize I might come up with. Also, I feel like we’re not cool enough for giveaways over here? Just my opinion, and seeing as my blog postings have grown rather sparse these last several months, I’d kinda sorta like to get past this mega milestone and move to post number 501.

Except here’s the thing.

The thing is. Well the thing is I’m so glad to have this blog. What started as more of a private, journalistic endeavor, has become very much a part of me and how I process life. I honestly believe I’ve grown into a place where my blog no longer distracts me from life… it opens life. My senses are heightened, emotions felt, thoughts contemplated all in a more, well, real way. I am sure some of this has to do with growing up. And at 25 years wise, I am glad to have an outlet for expressing the processes of life. So thanks for reading, for keeping me going, and for not giving up on me when my entries get sparse (which at times, they do).

And now for a little photo capsule of 500 posts and my life in between..

There was junior year of college…

.

The Crush:

Fate of friendship sealed:

Europe, and the Viennese Torte:

FINALLY:

Senior Year:

Engaged (!!!!):

Graduation Day, WHAT?! (and all four roomimes at the history graduation):

I Do:

Hawaii (hey remember how we LIVE here?!):

Youth Pastors:

Bun in the Oven:

And then there were three:

She grew:

And so did I (YUP. Here’s my 26 weeks HUGE picture, taken today at Waimea Bay on the North Shore. Holla!):

And finally, did I mention my brother lives out here today too? And that today is also his 21st? Happy birthday bud:


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Thankful

November 20, 2009

I suppose it’s timely because Thanksgiving next week, but I am not writing this post out of ‘Giving Thanks’ obligation. Gratitude is the overwhelming condition of my heart these past couple weeks as I sense God’s tenderness in my soul.

unexplained peace

deep joy

clarity beyond answers

family on island who will babysit on five minutes notice

Ellie’s love for her uncle ‘Pakick’ and his girlfriend ‘Cissssss’

depth of friendship here on island

daily emails and the most honest words every written from my dearests

family off island who is committed to God’s Kingdom above their own comfort of having us close

a husband who teaches me humility by offering it first

friends from college who treat us to dinner and remind us of the beauty around us

wisdom

la mariachis and the friends around the dinner table

a baby whose expectant birth is a symbol of God’s clarity in this season

jello infused spritz cookies

iced americanos

laughter in our home

wrestling matches

teenagers who make me smile

life long friends

trade winds

homemade tortillas and what they represent in our house

the Great Affection of God.

For all these things and more… I am so thankful

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Why Ellie Rocks

November 15, 2009

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THIS is post #497

November 15, 2009

And you know what that means.

# 500 is coming up!

If I were crafty or had cash to spare I’d host a giveaway, but I have neither and can not for the life of me think of anything cool for post # 500.

So stay tuned, because WOW we’re almost half way to 1,000!

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The Business of Being Born: Some Thoughts on the Documentary and Natural Childbirth

November 15, 2009

The barista asked if I wanted decaf espresso in my Americano this morning. I consider this a milestone in pregnancy – the point at which other people have noticed the protrusion in your abdomen and become paranoid at the amount of caffeine in your coffee. Oh regular is just fine, I respond, for the first but certainly not the last time in this pregnancy. No, I am not a purist. I strive for moderation when allowed, and my doctor has told me one to two cups of coffee a day is fine. I do, however, make adjustments here and there and certainly spend hours researching pregnancy, childbirth, and infant care in addition to my regularly scheduled doctor’s appointments.

To be honest, nothing has peaked my interest more than the birthing process and babies in terms of research outside my field of interest/study. The other night I forced asked JD to watch a documentary with me called The Business of Being Born. I heard about the documentary from other mommy bloggers and wanted to watch it for myself. Besides, I’m going to need some serious propaganda to remind me why I loved having a natural delivery. I see those raised eyebrows – just go ahead and raise them. I know what I said.

We nestled into bed with the laptop and began watching a documentary about childbirth in America (how romantic, right?!). As with any documentary seeking to expose the good, bad, and the ugly, this documentary was bent toward homebirths with a midwife and against medical intervention when unnecessary. I knew it was a hotbed for controversy before watching the film, so I approached the viewing with objective eyes. JD had no clue what we were about to watch, only knew the title and was already merely obliging his wife’s plea. It was pretty hysterical to watch his expression when he walked out of the bathroom and saw a violent C-section on the computer screen. “What are we watching!?!?!”

After the film got going, and its immediate biases apparent (most of the hospital/birth stories hail from New York and both JD and I commented on how we felt like even our high-medical-intervention hospital in Honolulu was more laid back than what we saw in the film), we were sucked in.

Before I go any further, I will tell you where I’m at on this issue: I really appreciate medicine. I am thankful for doctors. I have close friends and family in the medical world and I think highly of their education and training. I have friends and family who’ve had C-sections, epidurals, natural hospital births, and home births and I support them all. At this point I’m not ready to try a homebirth, even though I am low risk. I actually enjoy being taken care of in the hospital! I switched doctors after giving birth to Ellie because 1) this new doctor is the number one recommended doctor by my Bradley instructor who has worked along side women and doctors in Kailua for years, 2) he delivers at the hospital that is literally two blocks away (I could walk there while in labor people! JK Now that would be a sight) 3) the hospital is known for its nonintervention and relaxed approach to childbirth, and 4) my family history indicates I will go late, and many doctors want to induce one week after the due date. NOW… If I were high risk or had special needs, my butt would be headed over to Kapiolani where I delivered Ellie and where they specialize in high-risk pregnancies.

That being said, I loved the documentary and would recommend it to anyone who is pregnant, thinking about getting pregnant, going into medicine, or is already in medicine.

The beginning was a bit choppy and extreme – both JD and I, who hold the philosophy “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” were rolling our eyes at the crazy banter and nightmare images of birthing-gone-wrong (not because it’s unimportant but because we’ve been trained to catch extremism and proceed with caution). About half way in, the film began showing what I hoped I would see a lot of – natural childbirths. And if you ever wanted to see Rikki Lake’s live water birth, well by all means, get this film! In all seriousness, they showed several beautiful births (even JD said, awww) and I was pleased when they ended the film with a necessary C-section for a breech-baby who was four weeks early. The film would have done a disservice to itself had it not shown necessary medical intervention and the benefit of modern science for complications.

Watching the film allowed me to reflect on my own experience in a hospital through a different lens. My nurse, whose only experience with Bradley patients were the people who looked it up online and did a little reading beforehand, tried hard to keep my experience natural. I found it strange then, when she suggested we double the pit (pitocin) and break my water two hours after the initial IV. This is not at all natural, I thought, but hey – she said it would keep me from getting a C-section… I now realize in the context of that particular hospital, had my labor not progressed as quickly as it did with the pit and giant popsicle stick that broke my water, new nurses might come in and suggest further intervention… which is why my first nurse (who is also the reason I was able to refuse an epidural because she was so great at getting me in my zone) was quick to move me along. A little backwards perhaps, but I get it now.

I am thankful the film exists, because no matter how a woman chooses to proceed with her baby’s birth, I am highly in favor of asking questions and researching options. Personally, delivering without pain medication was the single most empowering experience I’ve ever had. Hands down, no questions asked. It’s certainly not the only way, and if I have to get induced with pit right away again I can’t promise I won’t ask for drugs ;) The bond between mother and baby is profound, no matter the birth procedure (I say this because even though bonding can take longer with a C-section or other complications, it still exists and mothers should not feel guilty if they need a C-section or epidural, nor does it bear any weight on their mothering skills… one of my closest friends has had three C-sections and she is my hero. I am astonished at her devotion, patience, attachment, love, and mad skills with all three of her kids). As with any point of view, grains of salt please.

I will end this insanely long post with an explanation for why it was written in the first place… I love me some babies being born. If I didn’t feel so connected to ministering to youth with JD and didn’t have such a strong aversion to poop (seriously – I can’t even handle my own baby’s poop, let alone some stranger’s), you can bet my application for nursing school would be in the mail and I’d be taking physiology at the local community college for pre-reqs so that I could be a labor and delivery nurse. Alas, the Good Lord has instead given me a love for teens and a hatred of poop so as to keep me going steady where I’m at right now…  a crazy pregnant youth director who is perhaps overly obsessed with birthing.

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This and That, It’s the Hormones Speaking I’m SURE

November 13, 2009

Hello there 23rd week of pregnancy! I am 22 weeks and one day along feeling much closer to seven months pregnant than five… Eesh! Quite a ways to go… and not all at the same time.

Nesting kicked in last night, appropriately as I lay sick in bed during youth group. Because clearly the best time to dust and organize is when you’ve got a gnarly head cold. I made lists and diagrams instead. And then couldn’t get to sleep because I wanted to flip the light switch on in Ellie’s room and begin raiding her closet. Again, with the timing. Seriously?!

I will post a photo soon, I forgot to take a 20 week belly pic and will try to make up for that in a few days. For now I’m snuggled in our home wearing pj’s and working from bed. So far, with the exception of growing at a much quicker rate, I am carrying frijolita (baby girl’s nickname given by JD) the same way I carried El, with a lil extra padding all the way around, particularly in the backside region. JD is actually thrilled… ;)

The other night I picked up my Bradley birthing book and started from page one, as if I haven’t already taken a twelve week course on the whole ’shooting a watermelon out of a pringle can’ thing. I’m actually not dreading childbirth. Though I know how painful it is, I’m excited to have a doctor who is pro natural childbirth and only induces with pitocin when medically necessary. Truthfully I’d just really like to go into labor on my own this time around. I have The Business of Being Born on our Netflix que as well. Why? Because I’M INSANE. Next thing you know I’m going to start watching live births on youtube of complete strangers. TMI? Well, apparently pregnancy gives me an extra shot of ’sas’ cuz I could write a whole lot more and am choosing to refrain… didn’t you miss me blog?!

Maybe it’s the head cold.